Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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