I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I pour the whiskey from now on
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
