i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
