Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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