did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
