Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
