He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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