Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
