I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
