I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
