I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
