The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize