there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
