how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
