You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
