Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
