I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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