That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
