i was born a porn star she said
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
