U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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