I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
