I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
