Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Randomize
