sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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