So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
