I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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