Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
