He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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