Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
