so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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