u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
