WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
