Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
