The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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