There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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