I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
