there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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