I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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