I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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