I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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