Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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