were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
