mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
