Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
