in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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