I smell stomach acid.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
