If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
