So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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