Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
