I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
