No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
