I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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