Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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