We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
