I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
