I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
