There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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