I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
