Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
