he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize