It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
