Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize