apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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