i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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