the condom got lost in my hair
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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