You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
