The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
