why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just pee around me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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