I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
